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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

4 words

grief: sharp sorrow; painful regret
hope: to look forward to with desire and reasonable confidence
understanding: superior power of discernment
confusion: perplexity; bewilderment

it's 3 am and I am awake, plagued by an outpouring of emotions i don't fully comprehend. the above listed words are probably the four which have been most prevalent lately. grief for what was lost. hope for our future family. understanding of which I have none. confusion of which i have too much. you see these four words do not make life easy when they are constantly battling each other. especially in the context i am feeling them.

there have been other times in my life when these four emotions/words were making life difficult and unfortunately i dwelt on confusion, which spawned anger, frustration, and depression. perhaps my faith was not as strong. or i've grown up. whatever the reasoning, right now as i am sitting on the floor of the nursery for the child who is not yet here, i cling to hope and pray for understanding.

i choose to choose joy, hope, and understanding. i choose to trust Your will is perfect. i choose to believe that Your promises are true. and i choose to let go of the hurt in my heart and allow You to heal. You promise peace; i'll take it. You promise Your presence; i need it.

3 comments:

Jesse and Leslie said...

Love this post and YOU!!!!

Tim Ramsey said...

I am so proud of you and your decision to choose what the Lord would have you choose. You will never go wrong choosing God's way. I love you and Chris so much and continue to pray for the Lord to bless you with HIs child for you. Dad

Chassidy said...

hang in there...cling tight to your faith and God's promise to give us our hearts desires.