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Sunday, October 12, 2008

end of the 40 day journey

well folks, it's been 40 days and quite the remarkable journey. at the beginning of this exciting trip we begged, pleaded and prayed for a baby. as the time wore on God began to do something in our hearts and we began to pray for a child which led to praying for direction about how to obtain child in His timing. About halfway through the journey i had two separate doctors appointments back to back and the consensus of my pcp and ob/gyn was that i needed to lose weight. this was a heartbreaking and embarassing time in my life because even though i know i need to lose weight it's very hard to hear it coming from two doctors in two days.

so i cried and felt sorry for myself for about a day and then realized that i could be embarassed about being told i was fat for the rest of my life, or i could embrace it and do something about it. so............ we started weight watchers. in 3 weeks time i lost 15 pounds and chris has lost 13 and i have already started to see benefits, physically, in this small amount of weight loss. my blood pressure has gone down, i have more energy and more importantly i have motivation that yes i can lose this weight. of course i would like to have someone just twitch their nose and make all the excess go away, but as the saying goes, "rome wasn't built in a day" and i didn't get fat overnight. anyway, moving past the weight watchers infomercial...
so the fat lecture was about halfway through the 40 day journey and it was a very clear direction that God was leading us to so we committed to losing the excess. then i began to wonder if perhaps we were not to have children of our own at all and i prayed that God would hear my heart and my cries and honor and bless me with a child but He told me that i had to be content with the possibility that I might not ever have a child. Of course this was also not something i cared for but i prayed relentlessly throughout the days asking God to help me be content with whatever His plan was.
moving on to this past tuesday, day 35. i was at choir and decided to share a little bit of what was going on with us and to just ask the choir to pray for us in the homestrech of the journey. after i shared ashley was praying and she began to pray for us asking God to open up my womb (which can i just say that 'womb' is a really funny word to me) and while she was praying i was agreeing but still trying to figure out which direction we needed to take. and i got an answer. as i was thinking about all this dr. harris, the fertility doctor, popped into my head and i heard an audible voice in my head say, " I am the ultimate fertility doctor". it doesn't get much clearer than that.
i do not know if we will get pregnant in the next month, year or ever, all i know is that we faithfully prayed for 40 days asking God to reveal Himself and His plan for our family and He did exactly that. my prayer life has increased exponentially, my faith has grown and i have complete faith and peace about us having a child... or not. i know this is a rambling post, and i apologize, but take this from this post: there is power in the persistent prayer, but more importantly therer is power in our Lord and His promises to us. i look forward to the day when i can post that we will be adding a child to our family.
be blessed.
cassie

4 comments:

The Zalks said...

You make me smile =) I always enjoy reading your posts and getting keep up w/ you through them. I am thankful for the peace the Lord has given you. Also, AWESOME job w/ the weight! You are doing great. We will continue to pray for you and Chris. Thanks for sharing!

Jesslie said...

We will keep praying that God reveals Himself to you and Chris through this process. I am thankful for the direction he has brought and am encouraged by your faith! It was great to see you guys last weekend and catch up! Love ya!

werners said...

wow! great job on the weight guys! thats awesome! we will continue to keep you guys in our prayers! love the updates! keep them coming :)

we need to hang out soon!
love ya'll

Betsy said...

wow, that's an awesome journey. i'll be praying for you guys!